This week’s turd borrows an episode of an annual stunt used by that excrescent rag Time Magazine. Time usually picks one person who it believes was the most news-worthy person of the previous year, or some other such bullshit. Last year, in an article that makes one groan for its sheer pathetic, pedantic irrelevance, Time picked “you.” “You” being the internet user, if I managed to read the article correctly through my glazed-over eyes. I won’t link to the article, because I love you too much. You can Google it if you like.

But I must offer you my own “You,” and it is only for this week. This “You” doesn’t deserve to be granted an entire year’s worth of attention, even though his begrimed politics and attitudes are the core cause of the Republic’s imminent collapse. And just to be clear, this “You” is probably not you, unless you are some winger troll out looking for reasonable ground to soil.

No, this “You” is today only being given credit for one simple thing, and that is Barry Bonds Hatred. While our nation is embroiled in two illegal wars and trying feebly to start a third, “You” have your dander up about a baseball player who likely juiced up a little bit on the way to setting a record in a grown-up, professional version of a kid’s game. Sure, our nation’s legislative branch and some of our highest-level prosecutors are running this pea-brained kabuki witch hunt, but we all know to whom the charade is designed to appeal. “You” are most likely to be one of those Angry White Men (spiritually if not literally) who continues to fuck himself and the rest of us by continuing to vote for reactionary, fascistic scumbags at the polls, even though you know it means your own eventual undoing as well as the undoing of all those you’ve been taught to fear and despise. But I digress.

In the next few days, while many U.S. citizens are stretching their bank accounts and their credit ratings trying to stuff their stockings with cheap (and expensive) plastic crap made by foreign slave labor, federal prosecutors will be spending our tax dollars trying to nail Barry Bonds’ balls to the prison wall for maybe lying about whether he knew he was taking steroids a couple of times. While the Nuremburg Principles lie smoldering, and majority of the Bill of Rights are all but buried by our executive branch, federal prosecutors are spending time and treasure pursuing a soon-to-be-retired baseball player. They are dredging up all the usual suspects in the process. And they’re doing it all for “You,” you ignorant, pampered, racist piece of shit.

Happy Holidays and fuck “You.”

One comment on “

  1. Jeff says:

    Don’t forget about all the asswipes who are outraged over the takeover of Marshall Field’s by Macy’s. The horror!

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