Well, Saddam Hussein was captured. This is a watershed event for the beleaguered Bush administration, which heretofore has relied largely on overhyped symbolism and dizzying spin in order to justify its backward, counterproductive (unless you’re Halliburton) policies. Now, with Hussein in custody, the rest of the evildoers will simply see the pointlessness of opposing the righteous warriors of justice led by Jesus-inspired warrior George W. Bush himself. First thing first, however. There is the small matter of locating the massive, ready-to-use stockpile of WMDs that Saddam had hidden before the war. The following pictures demonstrate how the capture of Saddam will soon lead to the location of this apocalyptic stash.
HERE WE SEE A DELTA FORCE TECHNICIAN CAREFULLY SEARCHING SADDAM’S ORAL CAVITY FOR NUCLEAR WARHEADS (note: what initially looked like the infamous uranium yellowcake was determined to be an unsightly buildup of dental plaque, most likely a result of several weeks without brushing):
HERE WE SEE U.S. Obergruppenführer– er, ADMINISTRATOR PAUL BREMER EXAMINING A VIDEO CLIP WHERE SADDAM ATTEMPTS TO HIDE VIALS OF ANTHRAX SPORES THAT ARE PROTRUDING FROM HIS BEARD
THE NEXT PHOTO SHOWS A CLOSEUP OF AN AREA OF SADDAM’S BEARD WHERE SARIN GAS CANISTERS WERE LIKELY RECENTLY STORED:
HERE BREMER AND Field Marshal, er– LT. GENERAL RICARDO SANCHEZ SHARE A LAUGH OVER WHERE THEY THINK SADDAM MIGHT ACTUALLY BE HIDING THE SARIN GAS NOW. NOT SHOWN IN THE PICTURE IS SANCHEZ DONNING LATEX EXAMINATION GLOVES.
Yes, my fellow Merrkins, the fighting will soon be over, and the Iraqis will be able to enjoy their newly minted freedoms, and the Middle East will live happily ever after.